just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
