i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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