TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
