this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
