Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
