so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
