Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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