i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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