Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
zippers are such a cool invention
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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