Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
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