I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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