i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize