I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
