cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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