There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
