i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
