I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
There's always time for handjobs
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
