Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
this hospital has no fireball
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize