Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
