last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
