come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
