I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
