I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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