dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
vagina is talking i cant
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
