hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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