the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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