Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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