I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
