Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she pinky promised me she was 18
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
