We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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