i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
