can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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