Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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