even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
