I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
