Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
