Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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