I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
