soooo we both peed the bed last night...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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