i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
