So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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