3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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