We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
