I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
