Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
