I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Randomize
