College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
