when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
