I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize