So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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