Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
