My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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