I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
