Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just had sex bonerless
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
