How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
