are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
