i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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