Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize