Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
