After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wish you could order shots online.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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