I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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