Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
