I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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