This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
