I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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