TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
