So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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