Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
