Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
