happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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