We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
nutella sex= disaster
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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