What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
