omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
