the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
