Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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