I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
