margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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