Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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