I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
