That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
