Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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