I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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