you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
