How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Acid is not a monday night drug
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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