you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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