my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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