Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
