just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
