I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
