someone owes me an orgasm
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Boobs are out for the taking
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
