I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
