You're a womanizer and a bitch.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
