Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
