im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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