someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
