I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
