dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
