at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
