I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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