I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
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