woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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