My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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